1. Combatting Stupidity
2. You, Too, Can Do Housework
3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
4. How to Fill an Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money
6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques: formerly titled "Don't Wash my Silks"
8. Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception
9. Get a Life: Learn to Cook
10. How Not to Act Like a Jackass When You're Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You: The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons to Give Flowers
15. How to Stay Awake in Public
16. Why it is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere but the Bathroom
17. Garbage: Getting it to the Curb
18. You Can Fall Asleep Without IT if You Really Try
19. The Morning Dilemma if IT's awake: Take a Shower
20. I'll Wear it if I Damn Well Please
21. How to Put the Toilet Lid Down: formerly titled "No, It's Not a Bidet"
22. "The Weekend" and "Sports" are Not Synonyms
23. Give Me a Break: Why We Know Your Excuses are Bull
24. How to Go Shopping with Your Mate and Not Get Lost
25. The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
26. Romanticism: Ideas Other Than Sex
27. Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes
28. Mothers-in-Law: They are People Too
29. Male Bonding: Leaving Your Friends at Home
30. You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
31. Seeing the True You: formerly titled "No, You Don't Look Like Mel Gibson When Naked"
32. Changing Your Underwear: It Really Works
33. The Attainable Goal: Omitting "tits" From Your Vocabulary
34. Fluffing the Blankets After Flatulating is Not Necessary
35. Techniques for calling home
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Joke Of The Month....
If sex is a pain in the ass,
Then You're Doing It Wrongly.
4 Miracles of a Woman
Getting wet without taking a SHOWER
Bleeding without getting HURT
Giving milk without eating GRASS
Making Boneless meat HARD!!!
Catch her by her waist…
Bring her home...
Keep your hand on her neck...
Put your lips on her lips and have a … nice drink…PEPSI
Love is a gamble,
Sex is a game,
Boys do the thing
Girls get the blame,
1 night in pleasure
9 months of pain
1 day in hospital and
a junior needs a name.
Then You're Doing It Wrongly.
4 Miracles of a Woman
Getting wet without taking a SHOWER
Bleeding without getting HURT
Giving milk without eating GRASS
Making Boneless meat HARD!!!
Catch her by her waist…
Bring her home...
Keep your hand on her neck...
Put your lips on her lips and have a … nice drink…PEPSI
Love is a gamble,
Sex is a game,
Boys do the thing
Girls get the blame,
1 night in pleasure
9 months of pain
1 day in hospital and
a junior needs a name.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and soar you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar
bowl's empty and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “'Go to hell.”'
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts tequila, one part lime
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and soar you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar
bowl's empty and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “'Go to hell.”'
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts tequila, one part lime
Friday, June 12, 2009
What Is Your Business Sign ?
Instead of Astrological Signs, how about these .. What's Your Business Sign?
1. MARKETING You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
2. SALES Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
3. TECHNOLOGY Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.
4. ENGINEERING One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that engineers place ninety percent of all Personal Ads. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."
5. ACCOUNTING The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.
6. HUMAN RESOURCES Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.
7. MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT Catty, cutthroat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in your social circle is a "Middle Manager."
8. SENIOR MANAGEMENT (See above - Same sign, different title)
9. CUSTOMER SERVICE Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.
10. CONSULTANT Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.
11. RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER" As a "person" that profits from the success of others, most people who actually work for a living disdain you. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.
12. PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter.
13. GOVERNMENT WORKER Paid to take days off. Government workers are genius inventors, like the invention of new Holidays. They usually suffer from deep depression or anxiety and usually commit serious crimes while on the job...Thus the term "GO POSTAL".
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
AirAsia to start Penang-Chennai flights in October
GEORGE TOWN: AirAsia will have direct flights from Penang to Chennai by October.
AirAsia chief executive officer Datuk Seri Tony Fernandes said the Transport Ministry had approved its plan and the airline is currently ironing out the details.
“We hope to have a daily flight there. It will take us three to four months to finalise the details,” he said after a ceremony to mark the inangural Singapore to Penang direct flight at the Penang International Airport (PIA) here.
Transport Minister Datuk Seri Ong Tee Keat said Penang is one of 13 cities in the nation with direct air links to Singapore.
“It will stimulate the economy and benefit local residents including their businesses.
“Now PIA services 49 weekly flights to Singapore by Malaysia Airlines, Singapore Airlines, AirAsia and Silk Air but it will have a surge next March where there will be 84 weekly flights, with the addition of three airlines - JetStar Asia, Tiger Airways and Firefly,” he said.
Ong said the ministry was also looking into applications by various airliners to fly to more destinations in the region.
“It’s still early for me to reveal the routes. When the airlines make requisitions for a certain route, the ministry will go through the details before putting the papers up to the Cabinet for endorsement,” he added.
Ong, along with Health Minister Datuk Seri Liow Tiong Lai, who is the state MCA chairman, Fernandes and AirAsia board chairman Datuk Aziz Bakar later presented goodie bags to 180 passengers who arrived aboard the inaugural Airbus flight A320 from Singapore.
A total of 17,000 seats have been sold since the route was open for sale on April 27.
To mark the inaugural flight of the new route, AirAsia - through its holiday division GoHoliday - is offering a buy one, free one room night stay at its partner hotels in Penang.
AirAsia chief executive officer Datuk Seri Tony Fernandes said the Transport Ministry had approved its plan and the airline is currently ironing out the details.
“We hope to have a daily flight there. It will take us three to four months to finalise the details,” he said after a ceremony to mark the inangural Singapore to Penang direct flight at the Penang International Airport (PIA) here.
Transport Minister Datuk Seri Ong Tee Keat said Penang is one of 13 cities in the nation with direct air links to Singapore.
“It will stimulate the economy and benefit local residents including their businesses.
“Now PIA services 49 weekly flights to Singapore by Malaysia Airlines, Singapore Airlines, AirAsia and Silk Air but it will have a surge next March where there will be 84 weekly flights, with the addition of three airlines - JetStar Asia, Tiger Airways and Firefly,” he said.
Ong said the ministry was also looking into applications by various airliners to fly to more destinations in the region.
“It’s still early for me to reveal the routes. When the airlines make requisitions for a certain route, the ministry will go through the details before putting the papers up to the Cabinet for endorsement,” he added.
Ong, along with Health Minister Datuk Seri Liow Tiong Lai, who is the state MCA chairman, Fernandes and AirAsia board chairman Datuk Aziz Bakar later presented goodie bags to 180 passengers who arrived aboard the inaugural Airbus flight A320 from Singapore.
A total of 17,000 seats have been sold since the route was open for sale on April 27.
To mark the inaugural flight of the new route, AirAsia - through its holiday division GoHoliday - is offering a buy one, free one room night stay at its partner hotels in Penang.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Police probe Malaysian opposition members
Malaysian police are probing three opposition members for alleged sedition and slander against the prime minister, amid allegations of a mounting crackdown on dissent.
In recent weeks, police have raided the offices of one of the parties in the Pakatan Rakyat opposition alliance, and arrested more than 160 people for protesting against the government's takeover of northern Perak state.
In the latest move, police questioned the opposition trio, including two lawmakers, over speeches made in the campaign for a by-election in the island state of Penang on Sunday.
"This is definitely another step towards creating a police state. It is clearly an abuse of power," said Lim Kit Siang from the Democratic Action Party, who was one of the lawmakers questioned by police.
"The Perak crisis is broadening into a national crisis of confidence where one government institution after another is suffering from a credibility crisis as they have been made to serve the premier's agenda," he said.
Perak has been in limbo since February when the state's sultan ordered the Pakatan Rakyat to cede its control of the state, which it won in elections last year, after defections disrupted the delicate balance of power.
Lim said he was investigated for his criticisms of Prime Minister Najib Razak over the takeover while the two others were being investigated over that issue as well as comments linking Najib to a sensational murder case.
The duo are from opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim's Keadilan party.
Najib has vehemently denied any involvement in the killing of 28-year-old Mongolian woman Altantuya Shaariibuu, who was murdered in 2006 and whose remains were blown up with military-grade explosives in a jungle clearing.
"I questioned in my speech why Najib does not take action against the foreign media which linked him to the murder as a way to clear his name," Keadilan's Badrul Hisham Shaharin told AFP.
State news agency Bernama quoted police officials Saturday as confirming the trio are under investigation.
In recent weeks, police have raided the offices of one of the parties in the Pakatan Rakyat opposition alliance, and arrested more than 160 people for protesting against the government's takeover of northern Perak state.
In the latest move, police questioned the opposition trio, including two lawmakers, over speeches made in the campaign for a by-election in the island state of Penang on Sunday.
"This is definitely another step towards creating a police state. It is clearly an abuse of power," said Lim Kit Siang from the Democratic Action Party, who was one of the lawmakers questioned by police.
"The Perak crisis is broadening into a national crisis of confidence where one government institution after another is suffering from a credibility crisis as they have been made to serve the premier's agenda," he said.
Perak has been in limbo since February when the state's sultan ordered the Pakatan Rakyat to cede its control of the state, which it won in elections last year, after defections disrupted the delicate balance of power.
Lim said he was investigated for his criticisms of Prime Minister Najib Razak over the takeover while the two others were being investigated over that issue as well as comments linking Najib to a sensational murder case.
The duo are from opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim's Keadilan party.
Najib has vehemently denied any involvement in the killing of 28-year-old Mongolian woman Altantuya Shaariibuu, who was murdered in 2006 and whose remains were blown up with military-grade explosives in a jungle clearing.
"I questioned in my speech why Najib does not take action against the foreign media which linked him to the murder as a way to clear his name," Keadilan's Badrul Hisham Shaharin told AFP.
State news agency Bernama quoted police officials Saturday as confirming the trio are under investigation.
Malaysian Sikh family in new 'bodysnatching' case
A Malaysian Sikh family is demanding to be given the remains of their relative who Islamic authorities say had converted to Islam, in the latest "body snatching" case to hit the country.
The family's lawyer said that religious authorities insisted Mohan Singh, a 41-year-old art director who died of a heart attack last Monday, had died a Muslim -- a claim the family disputes.
His body has been kept at the mortuary of a government hospital in central Selangor state which has refused to release the remains to the family, lawyer Rajesh Kumar told AFP.
"When he died, he was a practising Sikh, he never told anybody and nobody knew that he had converted to Islam, including family and close friends. His identification card to date stated that he is still a non-Muslim," Kumar said.
"The family is very upset. All they want is to claim the body and cremate him according to the Sikh rites," he added.
The lawyer said that the Islamic authorities claimed Mohan, who had directed some local films, had converted to Islam in 1992 and was seeking confirmation of his conversion from an Islamic sharia court.
"Our contention is that at the time of his death, he was still practising Sikhism and even when his mother died three years ago, he performed the last rites for the mother according to the Sikh faith," said Kumar.
"He wouldn't be able to do so if he is a Muslim," he said.
Conversion rows, including "body-snatching" cases when Islamic authorities have battled with relatives over the remains of people whose religion is disputed, are common in Muslim-majority Malaysia.
The tussles have raised allegations that the country of 27 million people is being "Islamised" and that the rights of the ethnic Chinese and Indian minorities are being eroded.
The family's lawyer said that religious authorities insisted Mohan Singh, a 41-year-old art director who died of a heart attack last Monday, had died a Muslim -- a claim the family disputes.
His body has been kept at the mortuary of a government hospital in central Selangor state which has refused to release the remains to the family, lawyer Rajesh Kumar told AFP.
"When he died, he was a practising Sikh, he never told anybody and nobody knew that he had converted to Islam, including family and close friends. His identification card to date stated that he is still a non-Muslim," Kumar said.
"The family is very upset. All they want is to claim the body and cremate him according to the Sikh rites," he added.
The lawyer said that the Islamic authorities claimed Mohan, who had directed some local films, had converted to Islam in 1992 and was seeking confirmation of his conversion from an Islamic sharia court.
"Our contention is that at the time of his death, he was still practising Sikhism and even when his mother died three years ago, he performed the last rites for the mother according to the Sikh faith," said Kumar.
"He wouldn't be able to do so if he is a Muslim," he said.
Conversion rows, including "body-snatching" cases when Islamic authorities have battled with relatives over the remains of people whose religion is disputed, are common in Muslim-majority Malaysia.
The tussles have raised allegations that the country of 27 million people is being "Islamised" and that the rights of the ethnic Chinese and Indian minorities are being eroded.
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